Hospital Humor


By Allen Klein, MA, CSP (aka Mr. Jollytologist®)


Hospitals are not exactly places that provide a lot of laughter. However, there is one source that does produce a lot of chuckles medical charting.

In the rush to write down a patient's condition, the healthcare professional often charts things which are ripe for humor.

For example, here are some things the medical staff have written on patient's charts:

  • Patient has chest pains if she lies on her left side for over a year.
  • On the third day, the knee was better, and on the forth day, it had completelydisappeared
  • Discharge status: alive, but without permission.
  • Patient was admitted through the emergency department. I examined her on thefloor.
  • The patient is a 90-year-old white female with multiple medical problems as well as severe osteoporosis that has been living with her daughter.
  • The patient left the hospital feeling much better, except for her original complaints.
  • I saw the patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
  • Patient left his white blood cells at another hospital.
  • Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
  • The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
  • The test indicated abnormal lover function.
  • The patient is numb from her toes down.
  • The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
  • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
  • The patient said her neck was increasing in size where we took it off.
  • I've suggested to the patient that he loosen his pants before standing and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.The patient stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.
  • Patient refuses an autopsy.

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